Ruining Britain?

Friend Kea is a fine scientist and mathematician, and has earned a great job at Oxford University. At last notice she was still stuck outside the UK due to nonsense with immigration. She has already missed a speaking appointment January 7. The British consulate appears to have kept her passport, which keeps one from quick trips to Sydney or Lord Howe Island. One commenter has suggested there is internecine warfare involving the Borders Agency. Whatever the cause, this is the last straw.

If scientists were vengeful, we would punish the UK like a James Bond villain. From our secret island headquarters, we would launch weapons into Space that would shower ruin on Britain's shores. Better to go somewhere (like Texas) where the economy is doing relatively well and young women are still being employed.

We need not bother. As if in retribution, Britain suffered the subway bombings of July 2005 and the 2007 London-Glasgow bombings. (Here's a good idea: Next time let us in and lock those guys out.) During March 2007 their sailors were captured and humiliated by Iran without firing a shot. (Another hint: Iran has only one gasoline refinery which could be taken out by a single ship.) Even Home Secretary Jacqui Smith admits that London streets are no longer safe to walk. Quite without our help, Britain is facing ruin from within.

Halfway across the pond, Iceland is already bankrupt. The government in Rekjavik tried desperately to hang on, but the people's protests finally brought it crashing down. No doubt Gordon Brown is looking across the water and losing sleep. He knows better than anyone that Britain is next.

Shortly my friends in Labour will realise that Gordon Brown is a liability. Even if he is removed, they face a defeat like 1979, which led to 18 years of Tory rule. On the way Britain's people will face even more trials. At this point we can not be sure if the sun has set on the UK.

One last hint for the UK: Next time don't mess with the skinny girl.